Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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