i think my tv is drunk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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