you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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