You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want nice things and good sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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