you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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