wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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