in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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