Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
