Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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