had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
