I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
