Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she looked like the before picture.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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