Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
