Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
