I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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