there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
