you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
