I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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