Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we're so committed to being not committed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
