Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
