ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
