So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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