Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
