I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
