Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Are my feet made of real feet?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
