Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
