youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
