Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think my moral compass just broke
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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