I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
