Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
