I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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