i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
