I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
