What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
