we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
