He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I did not marry a roomba.
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