Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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