no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
