Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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