He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My balls are so social today.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She bit a glass in half.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
