Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my shit smells like andre
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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