Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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