someone threw a dead crab at me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
