So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
