And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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