i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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