I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
