i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
