Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
