we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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