Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
