closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
