Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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