You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
