The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
