I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
