my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
