so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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